Stocks Plunge As Traders Realize It’s Monday And They Have To Go To Work

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NEW YORK—In what experts are calling an economic downturn that could deliver shocks to markets for months to come, stocks plunged Monday as traders realized it was the beginning of the week and that they had to go to work.

“Today, the Dow Jones industrial average sunk over 900 points after investors across the nation woke up, remembered it was a weekday, and realized they had five whole days of office drudgery ahead of them,” said economist Sharon Eaton, adding that while markets seemed strong on Friday when traders had the entire weekend in front of them, prices plummeted first thing this morning when they hit the snooze button on their alarm clocks, overslept by 30 minutes, and then spent a stressful morning...

 

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