Recipe Calls For Banana As If Man Has Access To Fucking Caribbean Street Market

📆 5/18/2020 11:51 PM
📰 TheOnion

⏱ Reading Time:
1 sec. here
2 min. at publisher
📊 Quality Score:
News: 4%
Publisher: 51%

Business News News

Business Business Latest News,Business Business Headlines

NEWPORT, OR—Bewildered at the inclusion of the tropical fruit among the required ingredients, local man Andrew Collins confirmed Monday that the muffin recipe he was baking called for bananas as if he had easy access to a fucking Caribbean street market. “Where the hell am I going to find one of those?” said Collins of the botanical berry he had only seen in pictures, asking how in God’s name the writer of the baking instructions expected him to acquire a banana without visiting a farmer’s market in Trinidad and haggling with a vendor in Creole or venturing deep into the Antigua rainforest and hacking one down from a tree with a machete. “Dammit, the nearest banana tree has got to be a thousand miles away from here. Wait, what the hell is this shit? They also want me to use sugar as well. Great, I guess I’ll just drive to my local sugarcane field. Jesus fucking Christ.” At press time, an annoyed Collins was forced to use canned pumpkin mixed with tofu as a substitution.

We have summarized this news so that you can read it quickly. If you are interested in the news, you can read the full text here. Read more:

Write Comment

Onion not doing research as usual, typical. You can get them very easily by just driving or even walking (to shrink your carbon footprint) to the nearest Walmart.

I hear you can use bananas and dildos interchangeably.

ugh, hate when that happens

Everyone knows bananas are evil.

So who saw Tony Soprano at first glance?

This is zany. Crazy. Loony. Nuts.

meredithm47 when you tell me to get cloves of garlic

What's next, cucumber?

,Alyciajoybadger

30 rupees for 6

I laughed in real life at this

Wait the 30 minutes, the pizza will be here

Just use plantains as a substitution, idk.

Is that Herc from The Wire? 🤯

Also since when did bananas stop being american?

Its okay. I find a bit of Capri-sun and extra flour a great substitude for banana

go chief

Actually LOLed at this one 😂😂 thanks as always

United Airlines has midnight banana pickers special.

I'm LmosT $till $ure tht they Dew $till dew FucKn mn Recepee$ DeLivErY$ for T 🍌 problem$

Is that Herc from The Wire

So he only eats food that is grown in his area? No chocolate or nothing?

inspiring to see tony soprano cooking

Pro-Tip: You can substitute a can of beer for any missing recipe ingredient

SaveNour Brixton because Taylor McWilliams can get fuct.

Oh man, I needed this. Thank you 😂

Is that Jeffrey Epstein ? Did he fake his own death and get EL Chapo to tunnel him out ?

Bruh dexter Morgan let himself go

Green bananas are the best because they're the prettiest and cooks like pretty things, right?

This is me. This is why I don't cook. The recipes are nuts.

just obtain the banana from lucid dreams. but they might be rotten, alas

Being a man is so hard.

Pumpkin tofu muffins, yum!

that’s tony soprano’s kitchen

Tony Soprano?

What The Fuck

Hmmm...

What's really funny is that's why some men get married.

Yes he has no banana

🤣😄😄😄

I mean, how much could it cost? $10?

Us common folk can't afford these exotic foods

122,045

That must be one of those fancy muffin mixes.

You can substitute it with hydroxychloroquine. I mean what do you have to lose? Many people are doing it, folks.

Screw this, I'm just gonna warm up a burrito.

Salsa? What am I in central America?

Yeah... It's just so hard to find bananas... It's not like they're sold literally anywhere that sells food or anything...

Plantains, get it right

y'know what I want? a Banana Bread recipe without 90 fucking ingredients!

Be like me: just hate bananas!

Boo

All man has is salt, pepper, and garlic powder

Business Business Latest News, Business Business Headlines

Similar News:You can also read news stories similar to this one that we have collected from other news sources.

Huawei calls U.S. move to curb chips supply 'arbitrary', expects business impactHuawei Technologies in its first official response to the Trump administration's move to curb its access to global chip supplies called it 'arbitrary' and said its business would be impacted. That's a Russian Il-2 (Cyrillic: Илью́шин Ил-2) fighter bomber. haha. They should have used a Flying Tigers P-40. Looks like a Russian WW2 aircraft, the Ilyushin Il-2 ground-attack aircraft, known as “Flying Tank” and “Black Death” ! ! ! USA don’t need anymore China bs
Source: Reuters - 🏆 2. / 97 Read more »