Finance Whiz Has Over $300 In Bank Account

  • 📰 TheOnion
  • ⏱ Reading Time:
  • 25 sec. here
  • 2 min. at publisher
  • 📊 Quality Score:
  • News: 13%
  • Publisher: 51%

Business News News

Business Business Latest News,Business Business Headlines

JANESVILLE, WI—A monetary wunderkind who has amassed a level of wealth the average American can only dream of, local finance whiz Jason Reed has over $300 in his bank account, sources confirmed Monday.

“That’s not just $300 on paper—that’s 300 bucks, free and clear, in a checking account at Chase,” said a person close to Reed, speculating that the 24-year-old money-making phenom must possess an extensive knowledge of financial markets and a preternatural ability to navigate macroeconomic trends in order to possess hundreds of dollars in liquid assets.

“Don’t ask me how he’s managed to accumulate that kind of dough, but he must have made some seriously shrewd deals and then taken advantage of a bunch of tax loopholes. I was at his house once, and he actually just had money lying around, including at least $25 worth of quarters in what I can only assume was some kind of high-yield coin jar.” At press time, Reed had reportedly lost everything he had after sinking all his money into a new set of tires when his car failed inspection.

 

Thank you for your comment. Your comment will be published after being reviewed.
Please try again later.
We have summarized this news so that you can read it quickly. If you are interested in the news, you can read the full text here. Read more:

 /  🏆 724. in BUSİNESS

Business Business Latest News, Business Business Headlines