Media Company Looking For Ways To Get Rid Of Veteran 24-Year-Old Employee

📆 9/26/2019 5:28 PM
📰 TheOnion

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NEW YORK—Noting that he has been with them “forever” and is taking good money away from younger, hungrier colleagues, executives at WebTrender Media have been quietly exploring options for getting rid of 24-year-old veteran employee Jason Rugg, sources within the company confirmed today. “Jason has had valuable moments for this company over the course of his long, 18-month career with us, but at this point he’s definitely overstayed his welcome,” WebTrender CEO Ben Parisi said of the website’s Senior News Editor, adding that Rugg currently earns the highest salary of his department at $33,000 per year and predates the majority of his coworkers by months. “Sure, he was a great content aggregator once, but the reality is that the world has changed since Jason started out here at 22 years old, and it just doesn’t make sense to keep dead weight around anymore. I mean, the guy’s a dinosaur. The last person in editorial who even remembers Jason was Heidi, and she’s from the old guard hired back in 2013.” At press time, company executives had reportedly scrapped their course of action after discovering the veteran employee was technically just an intern.

Write Comment

'Sorry, Braden. We had to open the position for Aiden.' -Jayden

What?

Any day now his medical bills will soar. Replaces with Boomer who signs non-discloser agreement.

For twenty Fork Years, No spoon ! it was a very harsh moment during soup !

They should unionize

When the onion accidentally exposes itself

Did you get ahold of a script for Succession?

Take away his stapler!!! (People 24 years old and younger probably won't get this reference)

The Onion posts real news now?

Ya he was way past his prime at 24.

Is that a confession, ?

Sadly it sounds like it actually could be a real headline nowadays

DJSCARPI

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