Insatiable Media Begins Rampantly Speculating On Biden’s Choice Of Small Business Administration Chair After VP Question Answered

📆 2020-08-12 6:02 PM
📰 TheOnion

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\nWASHINGTON—Hours after the historic announcement of Kamala Harris as a presidential running mate, the insatiable media reportedly spent Wednesday ramping up rabid speculation on who the Biden campaign would select as Small Business Administration Chair. “Now that the VP question is answered, we need to keep the fire going with some SBA talk—I’m talking 20 think pieces in the next hour, deep dives into Karen Mills’ merits and flaws, a live ticker on the website showing Tim Ryan’s prospects in the race to help the country’s small business owners and entrepreneurs thrive!” said FiveThirtyEight’s editor-in-chief Nate Silver, echoing hundreds of fevered pundits, journalists, and talking heads across the political spectrum who immediately pivoted into stoking readers’ interest with frenzied discussion of the cabinet position that assists in developing access to capital and building government contracting opportunities. “Oh baby, my heart’s pumping just thinking about the back and forth we could get if we had [former SBA Chiefs] Marianne Markowitz and Erskine Bowles on a podcast to discuss the role’s significance in increasing loan volume. We can’t let CNN beat us to the punch. I’m getting our tech guys to design little widget tracking the SBA race in real time. Our readers are going to eat this up.” At press time, a visibly excited Silver had urged one of his writers type up a complete history of A. Vernon Weaver’s tenure after discovering #SuretyBonds was trending.

WASHINGTON—Hours after the historic announcement of Kamala Harris as a presidential running mate, the insatiable media reportedly spent Wednesday ramping up rabid speculation on who the Biden campaign would select as Small Business Administration Chair.

“Now that the VP question is answered, we need to keep the fire going with some SBA talk—I’m talking 20 think pieces in the next hour, deep dives into Karen Mills’ merits and flaws, a live ticker on the website showing Tim Ryan’s prospects in the race to help the country’s small business owners and entrepreneurs thrive!” said FiveThirtyEight’s editor-in-chief Nate Silver, echoing hundreds of fevered pundits, journalists, and talking heads across the political spectrum who immediately pivoted...

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the Small Business Administration Chair isn't automatically being groomed for the presidency

Yeah the Tom Green panel does it.

Lol fair

This just in: Trump already hates candidate. Tweets about how he's done more for small businesses and the possible future candidate is a racist. Liberal media goes crazy after Trump forgets apostrophe in response. Political fires rage on.

NateSilver538 !

When what I really crave to know is what salad dressings will be on offer at the inaugural ball!

zkarlinn

RELATED: Joe Biden Picks Kamala Harris as Running Mate in Desperate Attempt to Make Up For Pissing Her Off at Dem Debates

Carl Baskin obs

They dug up Tom Green for this? I’m here for it.

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