I Studied The Sex Industry For 7 Years — And It Forced Me To Face An Uncomfortable Truth In My Own Life

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'I was taught to be a good feminist and turn my nose up at porn. Then everything I thought I knew about resisting objectification was turned upside down.'

Courtesy of Madeline Toubiana

Our study involved speaking to women and transgender entrepreneurs who were working in different fields within the industry, and led to 86 interviews over seven years. The work resulted in multiple journal publications that are the “marker” of success for academics. However, the truth I discovered about objectification was that resisting it is not necessarily achieved by turning away from its typification and sensationalism in the media, pop culture and sex.

Yet, the women and trans folk we spoke to in the sex industry had found ways to carve out unique space for themselves — for their own unique desires — in an industry defined by its desire to objectify them. They used their businesses to transform themselves from objects to subjects. Thanks to such radical performances, I realized that I had been viewing myself using the tropes and trappings of a male gaze. This is why I was having such a hard time imagining what I wanted. By working to remove yourself from your comfort zone — and the male-centered default approach to women’s bodies and desires — you can begin to unlearn the limiting lessons you’ve been taught all these years.

The author in her office with her books."Note historical fiction take up several shelves!" she writes.I have come to realize through doing this research that I need to question societal scripts about women’s desires, and, when something doesn’t work for me, it doesn’t mean it’s because I’m broken or less than others — it’s just me. There are a lot more ways to live our lives than we’ve been taught, and I am trying to make room for my own approach.

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