U.S. Claims Drone Was Minding Own Business On Its Way To Church When Iran Attacked It Out Of Nowhere

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WASHINGTON—Maintaining that the unmanned aerial vehicle was simply going about its day without posing a threat to anyone, U.S. Department of State officials claimed Thursday that one of their drones was minding its own business on its way to church when Iran attacked it out of nowhere. “This was an outrageous, unprovoked attack by the Islamic Republic of Iran on an innocent drone who merely wanted to attend mass in peace,” said acting Secretary of State Mike Pompeo, emphasizing the drone’s upstanding moral character by pointing out its history of donating to charity, volunteering at soup kitchens, and making homemade cookies for school bake sales. “We’re talking about a drone that sings in the church choir and coaches little league baseball games on the weekends—an absolute pillar of the community. This is an upstanding family drone who did nothing to deserve any sort of attack. What kind of world do we live in where an innocent drone can’t fly through Iranian air space on its way to church?” At press time, Department of Defense officials confirmed that their request for Iran to return the drone’s body back to the U.S. for a proper burial had gone unanswered.

 

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What

Better to use a drone than a person

The drone was going to pick up grandma for church...

Trump's drones:

The IRGC appears to be operating this account :)

Yeah, that sounds like US

They have a collection of these god-fearing church-going faithful Christian drones that worked for charity. See this:

yeah well, drones be drones

😆

They're downing the rest of our best! We need to add a banner - 'We're from the govt & we're here to help.'

Yeah! The Ukraine was minding its own business to when Donald Chump attacked it. DonaldChump Iran UkraineExtortion

Dindu nuffin!

I'm sure thats the truth🤣

Drone operator had a few too many glasses of Christ's blood

You know this is not outside Trump's capacity to believe nor concoct.

A travesty to be sure! What a horrible incident! That drone was just minding its own business!

HerukaM No one said that you fraud

That’s what they do

Al_toMyFriends 😂🤣😂

'...Some very fine people on both sides'

Iran responds : Was it modern Western technology? Was it another Christian infidel ? Was the drone creating the illusion it could confront Iran? We deny attacking this drone or any tankers. The Zionist regimes have once again attacked peaceful Iran with outrageous propaganda

a true patriot, that drone yeah

Damn religion. Can't even take the drone out for a putt

The actual Onion article when/if a real conflict does break out will truly be something for the ages

As I recall, John Bolton held up a photo of it with one of those fancy hats.

Its in the big church in the sky now through scattered ashes across a landscape thanks to amazing game play. They should really secure those rocket launchers and make sure they don't look like video games. This game was rated S for stupid.

But the US Department of Justice had to step in to stop it

Is that Alex Jones

You forgot to mention this fine upstanding drone was White, heterosexual, male and an Eagle Scout with a 4.5 GPA who was captain of his high school football team.

just like a drone, wandering listlessly towards god & faith when it should have been exploring soft targets for a tactical missile strike

Ya on its way to church.... to crash a wedding

Is anyone proud of America anymore? I am not referring to everyone who wants to move from their country to ours! I am speaking to the people here who have the right to speak out against our country like the 'Onion' because we fought for their freedom to do just that.

REALLY, it was on its way to church?!!!!! What for confession!!!!

You got a motivation to tighten the noose then

GrogsGamut Thoughts and prayers.

And it was wearing a lovely sundress.

Drone has sleepwalking disorder .

dabootv how rude DisPascal

gazzahead If it was a 'Religious Drone' hope it got 'It's Last Flights!'

VaPriestess I met an architecture student recently whose project was to design a garage for drones. I guess the garage could also serve as a drone church :)

snarwani 😉😁

Just amazing how ou have to add 'on it's way to church' to make it satirical. Tells a lot about the state of affairs in the US.

OzerKhalid U.S. Claims Mike Pompeo's suit fits perfectly....SecPompeo

Dayyyum!

There’s half a billion square kilometers on earth, the USA chose to fly it within one of those right near Iran. Seems pretty deliberate provocation by USA

A $123 million drone deserves proper burial. No reverse engineering allowed. 🤦‍♀️ The Onion: “At press time, Department of Defense officials confirmed that their request for Iran to return the drone’s body back to the U.S. for a proper burial had gone unanswered.”

Remember the WMD's that were said to be in Iraq? This is the same thing. War mongering BS. As a vet, this just makes me so mad. Can't trust anything that comes out of the Trump administration. As an independent this just gives me more reason to vote for whoever is the Dem nominee

Iran says it looked like drone was reaching for a gun...

Wait, why would a drone go to a Church? What would it do when it got to the Church? Maybe Iran did the right thing and saved the Church. UNLESS by Church they meant Mosque.

daviddoel US officials are going haywire people

I don't want to live in a world where a god fearing drone can't mind its own innocent civilian killing life without fear of being destroyed.

daviddoel Now the family off the fallen drone must pick up the pieces and go on with it. Smh

I won't be able to make the candlelight vigil. But, it'll be in my thoughts and prayers.

The funniest headline I've seen in weeks 😂😂😂

except there were no human casualties this time

All right, who wrote this headline because today you’re the funniest person on the planet and I pledge my allegiance.

Iran prime minister says - in squeaky-nasal voice: “Did I do that?!”

joehess

He was a good drone, he didn't do nuffin, he just needed more money for them DoD programs.

a long time ago in a country far far away.... - DRONE WARS -

AlanTudyk I thought this was a satire site? This seems like a real headline.

bright_kolleen Fly casual

😳😳

Bullshit

LibertyBlitz A drone lost its life. This cannot go unpunished.

Just another reason to invade . Mr world wide police usa at it's best actual jokes

Sad the drone will miss Rapture 😂😂

Elections ahead

His name isn't really Pompeo. It's POMPOUS!

No joking matter Start praying to the One God

Dunno. Maybe it was the constant chant of 'Nanna-nanna-boo-boo' over the radio that got them to fire. Something like that's gotta be annoying.

No drone left behind!

Thoughts and prayers.

rcamcole 😂

'On its way to church' 🤔🤔

Maybe a good drone with a gun could have stopped this

Iran claims It was faced with a threat to It life

Lukewearechange God bless Drones' going to church to have a quick Prayer before being destroyed' how upsetting this is' all donations should go to the U.S. military budget 😥😥😥😥😥😥 God Bless America!

It was one of those new 'Jussie Smollett drones'...

GTCost Iran said they bought it off a bloke down the pub

Lukewearechange Lol!

What is this world coming to? Back in my day, drones could go out all day and you never had to worry about something bad happening to them.

Bot Lives Matter

John Bolton declares incident 'Drone of Tonkin'

You guys are killing me. 🤣🤣

AlanTudyk Oh. I thought there was no drone. Or was it, it wasn't shot down. Or maybe 'there was no collision'?

Drone was wearing a hoodie, though, so...

That's an assault on drones everywhere.

hahahahhahahahhahaha

...and interrupts Trump’s worship service at local golf course

ChadMBriggs

Red hat evangelicals would believe this

Actually loled at that one

Christian drone prosecution!!! Here’s a thought though... perhaps we can tie DerangedDonald to another drone and see if it is about Christians? Or if it’s only about the fat orange knob... either way, at least we’ll know.. 🍊💥💥💥

LOL!

Attention onion article writer: Please drop what you're doing and report to the nearest MSM outlet.

Actual press release from State Department.

Next, Trump will be demanding that Iran return the pilot's body to America

We must understand that drones, like humans, have the right to self defence. This drone stood its ground. It has that right.

It was carrying holy water.

Drone God is the one true God

Spacebollah of Iran intergalactic space Terrorist Dronicide Bombers*

dangersOfAHoodie

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