I think it’s great that we’re inching toward a society that is more accepting and accommodating of different personalities and abilities. But there is one person in my wider professional circle—I see them mainly on social media—who is just awful.
They will respond to a post with an unkind remark, and if someone says, “Hey, that wasn’t nice,” they respond, “I am neurodivergent; I don’t speak ‘nice,’” or “This is who I am and how my brain works.” And so they get away with hurting other people’s feelings by claiming they are unable to observe basic courtesy. They have enough backup for this position and enough status professionally that there’s no incentive to change.
Apart from refusing to engage with people who do this , which is no doubt “ableist” of me, is there anything more I can do? I hate finding myself at an event where any person, regardless of their neuro-status, feels free to tell me I got fat, look tired, or am going about my career all wrong. I hate having my LinkedIn posts hijacked by an acquaintance who says things like, “Only an idiot would believe that article,” and contradicting or needling the others who are trying to engage.
I’m not at all convinced that you’d be accused of discrimination for saying, “Hey, that’s rude” to someone who approached you with an insult about your weight. But I understand that you feel stuck between a desire to defend and protect yourself and what you view as an expectation that you tolerate mistreatment from people who share that they are neurodivergent. My first piece of advice is to narrow the set of circumstances that you feel you have to deal with.
But when it comes to people randomly lashing out at you at events , I suggest responding in a way that focuses on the impact of the statement on you rather than an insult about their character. So try, “I don’t want to talk about my weight,” “That’s really hurtful,” or “I’m going to step away because being lectured about the career mistakes I’ve made is not my idea of a good time,” are all better choices than, “You’re rude.