Acid Tab Feeling Lot Of Pressure To Present Tech CEO With Game-Changing Ideas For Disrupting Telecom Industry

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PALO ALTO, CA—As it struggled to guide the executive toward an intense, meaningful breakthrough, a tab of LSD revealed Monday that it was feeling a lot of pressure to present the tech CEO who was ingesting it with revolutionary ideas for disrupting the global telecom industry. “Oh God, this guy only picks up the blotting paper when he’s really desperate for inspiration, so I’d better give him something good,” the 100 micrograms of acid said from beneath the CEO’s tongue while scrambling to drum up some passable imagery of brightly colored wires sparking through the cosmos on a wave of ones and zeros. “Fuck! He’s expecting me to just open the doors of his perception onto a groundbreaking new innovation in fiber optics or something like that. For Christ’s sake, I’m a hallucinogenic compound, not a miracle worker. Hopefully I can stall him for a while with some bullshit about how everything in the universe is connected to everything else.” At press time, the LSD had reportedly found a way to pass the buck onto an unsuspecting tree by telling the CEO it was a direct communication line to God.

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i haven't seen blotter in decades. may have something to do with not looking for it.

I'm in tune with Green Dragon Micro Dots.

No, it doesn't feel that. It really does not feel that at all. Not one bit.

Truth

So 1990s... it would be DMT or mushrooms today

'If you could beam one thought into the minds of an entire population what would you say?'...

Speaking of acid tabs, what if eggs were liquid farts with a hard exterior and McDonald's was serving us fried flatulence mcmuffins all these years?

'Announce your startup and start recruiting investors, then get on TV, do podcasts, explain nothing, but hint at huge things. Later, declare bankruptcy.'

I miss acid.

Knows that it has the stuff to provide paradigm shifting epiphany...if only it could muster the courage to speak up in a mind scrambling, horrifying flashbacks in the future kind of way.

*whispers in acid tab's ear* 'shh... call it the metaverse'

LLLOL

'Sometimes I just wish I was the 'munchies and chill' drug, you know...'

so if i took 4 tabs on that i would be fuckked up?

If only it wore a Patagonia jacket 🤔💰

Wax cups and string!!

That's blotter..

The problem with having many similarly like-minded people is that someone thinks about a game changing idea before you.

IDK? Is Blotter really Tabs? GELS! now those puppies are Tabs!

It just needs to call in some friends

Maybe try shrooms instead?

You can tell an old person wrote this.

Gluten-free pancake phone hat. 🥞☎️🎩

Ahh, the wonderful 4-Way Blotter Acid 👍🤯 I remember it fondly.

For Christ’s sake, I’m a hallucinogenic compound, not a miracle worker.

Just wait 'til he 'lands' & realizes that isn't actually Charlize Theron he's making out with. Very disappointing.

omfg this is great...

I'm sure they won't fold under pressure.

So long ago! It was clear as glass and 1/8” square! That was a 4 way hit! Not so micro now.

☠☠☠

Doing God's work.

those tabs haven't been cut into enough microdoses to inspire creativity

I too watched Silicon Valley

Hey how are you doing every one

Yummy

I've had tabs with that print before, niiiiice

And their ideas will still be better than The Onion's because TheOnionSucks

VCBrags

6G.

LizardRumsfeld Dumb, Weird Hat Taking On Bulk of Deflection From Cartoonish Decision-Making

L

'Drug dealer wants his money back after his 'cherub art' order has none urinating'.

Putti taken from the Sistine Madonna by Raphael.

Always heard of the onion when I lived in the mid-west so I thought I would give it a try & read their articles but once I see an unbiased article without the tru facts I will delete & never come back as a reader. If it talks about politics be careful & tell no lies.

RIOzay

The onion is on one today

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