A List of People Who Have No Business Being Younger Than Me

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The recipients of any and all major awards, anyone who is engaged, and other people who have no business being younger than me.

what’s hot these days, and I won’t like that! Marta in human resources thinks I’m hip, and that validation has been huge for me. Furthermore, I have reason to believe that my work crush is in talks to break up with his girlfriend, and I would rather not have to compete for his affection with a younger, hotter person who knows how to make a TikTok.

Similarly, all expecting parents have to be at least ten years older than me. It is a matter of simple logic. I am essentially a child. Therefore, by the transitive property, anyone who is younger than me is definitely a child. I don’t mean to get political, but children should not have babies. Start nice and slow with a houseplant. See if you can keep that alive. And, if you do, please tell me how.

People who take raw materials and turn them into something essential absolutely cannot be younger than me. If you are twenty and grow your own food or build canoes, and I am twenty-eight and write silly lists, what does that mean re: how I have spent my one wild and precious life?

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I didn’t get the humor but go off sis.

Strike of the middle ages!

What a garbage article

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