Manager Slits Own Throat After Realizing Some Members Of Company Not On Same Page

📆 2019/11/09 1:15:00
📰 TheOnion

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PROVO, UT—Sources at area media company T-Net Solutions reported Thursday that manager Phil Harden slit his own throat from ear-to-ear after discovering he had neglected to loop in all of his employees, resulting in some of them not being entirely on the same page. “No! I’ve failed to keep an open line of communication throughout the office and make sure everyone’s up to speed!” the 37-year-old mid-level manager reportedly screamed shortly before grabbing a letter opener, slicing open his neck, and spraying blood across the faces of stunned employees. “Why the hell didn’t I do more to ensure that all the departments—from sales to human resources—were pulling in the same direction? I could have at least conducted a few team-building exercises to encourage more dynamic group interactions. Aaaaarrrggggghhhhhhhh!” At press time, sources confirmed a memo was circulated around the office in Harden’s honor, reminding the entire staff about “the importance of regular check-ins.”

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Dark. Even for

So its Michael?

Couldnt they have used a black guy? This guy is too good looking to slit his own throat..

Once I slit my own throat and I had to go to the ER, it’s was like suuuuper expensive and I still cry about how much it cost

This one a little dark 😬

It’s called leadership.

But he reached synergy with his own convictions.

Saves everyone else time.

there are no 'members of company' anymore. they're teammates.

What were they reading?

Failed synergies after Mission Critical jam sessions.

What happens when you don’t keep the main thing the main thing

Why do I feel a racist is handling onions Twitter account?

Mood

We'll be circling back to his memorial service on Saturday 😔

Ok onion. That's too much

He died with honor

Did he use the page he thought they were all on together to slit his throat?

I wonder if his Pay got cut....

these are getting darker and darker

If only he held a meeting to level-set....

epic

Is that David beckham

A good start. Also, TOUCH BASE TOUCH BASE TOUCH BASE

He slit it so he could talk out of his neck. He didn’t die; he actually went on to become CEO.

That's a real shame because it was a beautiful page.

Very sad. It wasn't just a Company, it was A Family

Oh man.

YO WHAT ?

7 years later, after learning all of team members names

if only

codinghorror ellisnd02

Theres no way this happened...

Well, that was easy.

Is he in mental hospital?

And yet, the rest of the company was on the “somebody ought to slit his throat” page. So, it’s a “win-win”.

Nooooo

That’s dedication!

This guy is a counterfeit employee- A true leader would have slit the throat of his highest producer then vowed to double his team’s Q4 output in retribution.

'I could have at least conducted a few team-building exercises to encourage more dynamic group interactions. Aaaaarrrgggghhhhhhhh!”, sources confirmed a memo was circulated around the office in Harden’s honor, reminding the entire staff about “the importance of regular check-ins”

bosses do this

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