That’s not to say that fake harmony is irrational; most families have long memories. A different opinion received poorly or in the wrong context can explode into harmful conflict. If you disrupt family harmony, your family may hold that against you for the rest of your life.
Often, the cliff event that triggers outright conflict after a long period of fake harmony is seemingly small on its own. But the months or years of keeping quiet over other disagreements are baked into that moment, too. So, when it explodes, it can be hard to undo the damage. And when that happens, months, years, or even decades of progress as a family and an owner group can be undone.
Several tools and approaches can be effective in guarding against fake harmony in a family business. For example, we often bring a metaphoric “candid-o-meter” into meetings. During discussions we refer to the candid-o-meter to determine whether we’re getting to the heart of the matter or just glossing over the surface. And when it feels like we are entering fake harmony, we ask each participant to rate the candor of the conversation from one to five .
But if family leaders make a point of keeping their stakeholders informed about both business issues and key decisions that are being made, people are less likely to feel afraid to ask questions. Sunlight can be the best disinfectant.Remind your family members that your goal is to make great decisions together. Fake harmony won’t help you do that. Constructive conversations will.
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