Business That Supposedly Considers Itself One Big Family Doesn’t Want Employees Bathing Together

📆 11/10/2019 7:07 AM
📰 TheOnion

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ATLANTA—Protesting what they view as glaring hypocrisy, employees at Liberty Point Insurance said they were disheartened Thursday to learn that despite its repeated claims that they were one big family, the company they work for nonetheless objected to them bathing together. “Well, I suppose all that talk about how we’re this tight-knit unit was just so much corporate lip service—otherwise, why would they tell us we can’t lather up and scrub off the dirt with our coworkers?” said adjuster Derek Hanson, who confirmed he felt betrayed by the new position on bathing and, along with other employees, asked how else the company’s phrase “We’re all one family” was supposed to be interpreted. “We were just splish-splashing around a little, and then out of nowhere HR steps in and says we can’t do that anymore. Seriously, how am I supposed to get all the soap off my back without Jim or Kendra or one of my other officemates there to help me with the loofah? This is worse than the time we were all reprimanded for wearing matching overalls to work. No more rub-a-dub-dub? You’ve got to be kidding me.” Hanson went on to speculate that next, he and his coworkers would be prohibited from crawling into their boss’s arms to calm down after a scary nightmare.

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Do they mean during or after work? I really need to know.

Family at workplace is one of the biggest BS I ever seen....

All that talk about corporate lip service and they tell them that they can’t lather up and scrub off the dirt with their coworkers?

As it should be. Too many peeing in the tub.

Damn hippies.

yo whats her

Hmm . . . Ha, ha, ha, ha . . .

Understandable. In accordance with the cognizance of our extensive paradigm of societal mores, bathing together does not seem to be a common practice in most families.

Such bs

Pesky Watergate Conspirators . . . . When I say Watergate I of course mean the Shower.

The beginning of a corporate soap opera.

Oh gawd why?!

markabaigar

11:07 ПП · 10 окт. 2019 г. ВК. ПУТИН ОПЯТЬ МОИХ ДЕВОК ГОНЯЕТ СУКА

Another thing ruined by an inappropriate erection.

Must be a Yankee company... bless their hearts.

Starship troopers intensifies, 'I'm doing my part to save water!'

Protocol assumes two people checking on clean procedures during maintenance of the environment used to execute various operations like upholding the protocol assuming the two people to be checking on the clean procedures during maintenance of the environment used to execute v..

I don’t know if there are any current news for this. BUT I know a lot about business like “big families” but only on the screw part, were the employee is the screwed one, of course. Besides that there is no family.

We have real problems like this going on in the world and ALL you guys care about is if Tyga and Kylie Jenner are together

sina_bear don't give him any ideas

The family that bathes together sticks together.

MAKE UP YOUR MINDS DAMMIT

It’s an early initiative to keep the company green and save water.

I told everyone in our family we are one big business

THIS IS INJUSTICE! LETEMPLOYEESBATHETOGETHER

.....that.... does NOT look.... like soap.

What in the world? What kind of family bathes together in the first place?

What kind of family are you in that bathes together

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