Sure, you're now legally bound to each other, but your partnership remains largely unchanged. Your conflict-resolution strategies are the same. Your communication patterns are the same. Your general outlook on life is the same. After , I've learned another very important thing: If you stop investing in yourself, your bad habits and poor communication will chip away at your relationship — whether you're married or not.
If the relationship doesn't work out after you had children together, you'll still have to coexist and co-parent. That means planning for college, helping with expenses, and attending birthdays, graduations, and weddings. "I was told by one of New Jersey's best that the No. 1 thing that breaks up a marriage is not money — it's mutual respect," D.K. wrote.
After eight years of marriage, R.M. realized that he and his wife had drastically different ways of showing their love for each other, and those ways never quite clicked. He said: and read the book. It wasn't until I recognized that gifts were great, but it was really quality time that filled my wife's love tank that things changed dramatically after parenthood had worn us down a bit.
Most relationships don't collapse because of one blow-out fight. They often fall apart because the partners have eroded the foundation of trust by consistently turning away from each other."Not sure you want to take marriage advice from someone who's done it twice now, but here we go. Honest, open, thoughtful, and compassionate communication is the No. 1 most important thing, in my opinion.
"Those six months were very stressful for us," C.W. said. "She lost her job and career because of this illness. I was trying to do everything I could to help but in the end, there was little I could do to help her." One of the keys to a quality partnership is to stay curious and keep each other intellectually stimulated. Tell your partner one new thing you learned today. Have them teach you something new. Experience something new together. The most successful couples keep learning and growing side by side.
"Every conversation will look alike," she said. "One of you starts to raise your voice; the other rolls their eyes. One goes up a notch; the other walks away. It's a dance, and often organized by the vulnerability cycle." They do many of the same things unhealthy couples do, but at some point they have a conversation where they recover from it. The difference is that healthy couples have effective strategies to repair the conflict quickly rather than letting it fester.
"Talk to each other about what life events mean to you, and when someone does something the other person doesn't like, that person must speak up. If you don't speak up and be honest in the moment, it can lead to resentment. One of Gottman's most concrete findings is that happier couples have a ratio of five positive interactions to every negative interaction. The interactions don't have to be grand gestures. "A smile, a head nod, even just grunting to show you're listening to your partner — those are all positive," Gottman said. That's because this magic ratio enhances the positivity in your relationship.
This requires giving yourself what you need rather than making your partner carry that hefty responsibility. "Knowing what makes you happy is essential for harmony and balance in the household," Y.H. said. "We like to have our own projects, our own growth, and our own sense of fulfillment."The antidote to poor communication is regular, healthy communication. When you discuss hot-button topics in an emotionally sober state, they become less hot-button.
If I asked you to define love, I guarantee you wouldn't describe it as a funny Post-It note. That's just a small act of affection, right? Ironically, that may be the secret to long-lasting love."Always approach your partner and the couple from a place of affection. Why not from love, you might ask. In my mind, affection is an easy-to-cultivate prerequisite for love, so if you keep affection alive, you keep love alive.
"This email is coming to you from our L-shaped couch where Kevin is already passed out, and I'm cranking through emails," she said. "He's always been an early bird, and I'm a night owl. He's an introvert, and well, you know me. We continue to find new common ground depending on the circumstances."
polina_marinova Nice polina_marinova !
polina_marinova As wedding videographer this will be very interesting to read. Congrats!
JessicaLarrea
Fairly logical facts...back to basics...pick the right one and yes trust and communication is key.
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