— something to be taken care of and resolved quickly. This is why we so often turn to advice-giving when people we care about are upset.
On the other hand, thinking of it as a puzzle puts us in a mindset of curiosity. And when we're curious about another person's emotion, it's far easier to be validating, understanding, and empathetic, which is what most people experiencing strong, painful emotions really need. when someone you care about is very emotional.
In other words, try to recall a time when you struggled in a similar way and with a similar set of difficult emotions and mood. Bob feels bad and starts describing how he feels and why he thinks he feels that way to Shelly. Because she sees that Bob is in pain and struggling, Shelly's natural reaction is to try and alleviate or eliminate Bob's suffering.Most people struggling emotionally don't want someone to fix their pain, they want to feel understood.
By mirroring another person's experience you're giving them something far more valuable than advice — you're giving them genuine connection.laflor/Getty ImagesOur spouse is sad and melancholic and we get frustrated.Our parent is angry and irritable, and we respond with annoyance and sarcasm.
ndwignall man I love your work! learning some great truths like 'Most people struggling emotionally don't want someone to fix their pain, they want to feel understood.'
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