“Let’s just remember that everyone likes me and I am very cool.”List slides“Remember that no job is worth sacrificing your mental health.”To be fair, Musk said this while rolling his eyes and pantomiming jerking off.“The top priority right now is creating a task force to figure out who is being mean to me.”“The top priority right now is creating a task force to figure out who is being mean to me.”
Employees weren’t sure how to react when it became apparent that their CEO thought he had discovered GIFs.“You know him from SpaceX and Tesla…. ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for ELON MUUUUUSK!”“You know him from SpaceX and Tesla…. ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for ELON MUUUUUSK!”“If anyone from the FTC comes around, we’re a bakery.”Just to be safe, Musk then held up a single cheese danish.“My vision is for Twitter to limp along until maybe Christmas.
Musk was understandably disappointed about not getting to present the Powerpoint slideshow he spent all night adding sound effects and transitions to.Employees reported that Musk was still holding the same sink he brought to Twitter HQ several weeks after his initial stunt.“Bazinga! Bazinga! Bazinga! Bazinga! Bazinga! Bazinga!”catchphrase nearly 200 times in succession.“Boy, I sure could go for some sexual harassment right about now.
My faves
those are all real!!!
''The top priority right now is creating a task force to figure out who is being mean to me.' Musk briefly tabled discussions surrounding verification and ad revenue to focus on identifying the accounts that are hurting his feelings.' The Onion being on point as usual.
🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
'Did I tell you guys I know Johnny Depp and other cool people?'
Oh shit someone leaked the minutes, gonna be another wave of firings…
NOT Even a little funny. please try harder
On a serious note. I’d love to hear from elonmusk how he understands his role as CEO and his leadership philosophy. I assume there must be some principles to avoid mental breakdown
Imagine an autistic man struggling with social media
💀💀💀💀
“Let’s run this bitch into the ground.” LMAO!!! 🤣
BREAKING: After reinstating Trump´s account, Musk also posts Twitter poll asking whether Adolf Hitler should be allowed back on platform ...
It's so awesome seeing this with 'official' right above it on twitter
'See I'm not crazy I brought a sink with me for a pun'
When reality is stranger than the Onion
Elon's coming..... better hide your heart, girl.
This is one of your best articles .
GUYS you're supposed to be PARODY. That's far too realistic. The last 8-10 years have been hard on you, I know.
The Onion goes HARD. I love it.
i thought these were mild satire from headline but nope. article goes hard.
Elon shirts
Apartheid Clyde
I’m having some trouble here at Twitter getting my erotic massages. I’ve ordered everyone back in the office, I’ve cut off their food supply to make them lightheaded, but all the chicks are still refusing to rub oil on my pale damn moist body?
⚠️You have exceeded your free speech allocation for this billing period. Thank you for using Twitter Musk!⚠️
'You have to say parody out loud before making a joke at the office'
I don't like this new direction you're taking where you report actual news. Please stick to parody like you used to.
Sorr, but leolaporte is the only Chief Twit!!!
I find 'Bazinga' the most outrageous.
If it didn’t say the onion I could easily believe most of it.
Stick to your comedy bits
ChiefTwat
NO TY he tweeted all
Guys be careful, you don't have enough 'parody' in your bio
MUSK BROS INCOMIMG!!!
“The top priority right now is creating a task force to figure out who is being mean to me.”
“The top priority right now is creating a task force to figure out who is being mean to me.” Hahahaha the onion is hilarious 😂 😃 😄 😁
I was expecting an empty page lol
Well. The check mark is now blue. So much fuckin progress