: My in-laws are socially conservative and very traditional. For the five years my now-husband and I dated, I was expected to refer to them as “Mr. and Mrs. Lastname,” a formality that made me feel distant and unwelcome, especially when my parents asked my husband to call them by their first names nearly immediately.Miss Manners: The bride hung up on me, and her mother was rude, too.
I would prefer to call them by their first names, which is the tradition in my family. I talked it over with my husband, who didn’t advocate for either side, and I ultimately decided to accept their bid for connection. I began a few emails and texts to them with “Mom” or “Dad.” It felt uncomfortable, but I thought it would bring them more joy than it did me discomfort.
How can I communicate that I’m not comfortable calling them “Mom and Dad,” and that I would prefer to use their first names, in a way that damages the relationship as little as possible?: What you would like, Miss Manners gathers, is a solution that would enable you to have your way, respond to your in-laws’ bad and contradictory behavior, and not damage the relationship.
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