NEW YORK—As the S&P advanced 0.9% the moment awestruck investors saw all the bills spread out in a dramatic fan, financial experts confirmed that the U.S. stock market rallied significantly Wednesday following the Federal Reserve chairman Jay Powell’s flamboyant display of a huge wad of cash. “Holy shit is that a fat stack, and all hundreds, too.
Okay, this Fed chief guy must be loaded,” hedge fund manager Soren Westerman said as a self-assured Powell threw the roll of bills on a nearby Wall Street table, producing a deep thud so impressive the DOW rose 120 points in late trading and the Nasdaq Composite notched another 1.2%. “I mean, damn, if the chief of the Fed is throwing around hundy stacks like they’re nothing, the Fed itself has got to be doing well.
Only gangsters hold a wad of cash in a roll like that.
craignewman
Goldbroker_com The world debt at $250,000,000,000,000,000,000 is ex-GDP worldwide - an all-time record. And if we add unfunded liabilities and derivatives, the total debt and liabilities amount to more than $2 quadrillion, which is 25x global GDP.
jedimarkus77 Hilarious.
FedPorn
Jezdufourq
The onion is a soothing balm.
mdempse2
emilionaire_01
Stalingrad_Poor Roll of $1s wrapped in a $50.
kairyssdal 😂
What I see happening
Freshly printed - PLENTY more where that came from.
That's what he pickpocketed from the plebes while walking up to the speaking podium.
Why is The Onion doing better journalism than MSM?
I mean, metaphorically, that’s exactly what he did. The headline’s not wrong.
My boy better have my money or Imma gonna whoop his sorry ass.
😂😂😂
carlquintanilla
carlquintanilla Thus is literally how it happened. Made it rain
Market later crashed after he blew his wad at local strip club.
StepheClifton27 What?
Is applauded as a genius for farming out the printing of money to small mom and pop counterfeiters.
It's a hundo on the outside and all singles inside
It is all fake, but do enjoy your Tax Slavery. EndTheFED
Perceptions do a lot
The Onion gives a more honest headline than CNBC
🤣🤣🤣
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