"I hate crowds and loud rock music, but I was being offered a gift: the chance to learn more about my son all these years after he was taken from me."Matt and Judy on Shakedown Alley at the Dead & Company show at Shoreline Amphitheater in Mountain View, California, in July 2018.
“Today we will do an experiment in muscle conductivity. It will hurt a little, but just like a pinprick,” Matt told me the professor had said. “Any volunteers?”When Matt suggested we attend a performance of the Grateful Dead spinoff group Dead & Company together in a 20,000-seat amphitheater near San Francisco, I laughed. I’d already told him about the time Jason wanted to attend a Dead show when he was 12.
I hate crowds and loud rock music, but Matt was offering me a gift: a chance to understand why Jason loved The Grateful Dead so much and ― a chance to understand more about Jason all these years after he was taken from me., I think as I puff up the hill behind him at the outdoor amphitheater we’ve traveled to for the concert. I hear Jason’s voice in my head — “You can do it, Mom!” — and I power forward.
A few feet away, a portly, barefoot, grinning, gray-haired man in his early 60s is trying to dance. He’s wearing a tie-dye shirt, and his knobby knees and hairy legs are sticking out under wrinkled Bermuda shorts. When he gyrates his way up the hill, he pauses, bends over, grabs my hand and plants a sloppy kiss on the back of it before he continues on. Matt points to one corner of the amphitheater where several colorfully dressed girls are spinning in place.
Matt resumes swaying while Bob Weir and John Mayer, who has joined the band to play some shows, belt out “Iko Iko,” a song I had listened to online before coming to the show. The crowd joins in and, after a few refrains, so do I. We all chant “Hey now!” at the right moments. Jason would have loved this!A rainbow of constantly changing psychedelic patterns throbs on the big video screen behind the band throughout the night. It gives me a feeling of calm I’ve rarely known since before Jason died.