Boeing Scrambling After New CEO Catches Fire During First Press Conference

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CHICAGO—Emphasizing that the 62-year-old executive was just experiencing minor technical issues and would be back behind the podium shortly, Boeing officials scrambled to do damage control Monday after their new CEO Dave Calhoun erupted into flames during his first press conference. “I assure you, Mr. Calhoun is one of the safest board members in Boeing’s history and has never caught fire prior to today,” said Boeing spokesperson Karen Flynn, adding that Mr. Calhoun had undergone rigorous testing before being promoted to CEO, leaving the company stunned when he suddenly paused his speech, sent out an SOS signal, and burst into flames. “While we are devastated by the news, the reality of having executives is that there is always a risk that one will lose control, fly off the stage, and crash into the audience at high velocity. To the hundreds who died, or suffered severe injuries today, we sincerely apologize.” At press time, investigators found that Mr. Calhoun had failed to pay Boeing for additional safety protections that could have prevented him from exploding into millions of small, unidentifiable pieces.

 

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to be fair, this really is more of a problem from Pratt

😆

Hmm. Not funny. Poor taste, this Onion.

The fuel line failed ruptured and ignited mid presentation sending the ceo into the ground instantly killing all the investors

He must have been listening to my mixtape 🤠

Boeing is crap.

Real simple.... Liar, Liar, pants on fire!

Not too far from the truth. the plane was literally on fire. Hard to figure out satire from the truth nowadays 😂

GarbageApe If only.

Overheating lithium batteries are still an ongoing issue at Boeing?

Preliminary reports say that the fire started in his pants.

Software glitch

somehow not the worst news when it comes to Boeing!

But did he drop parts all over the neighborhood as he was leaving?

WallStPlayboys

Time to get Frank Drebin on their PR team.

How true.

Sad part, many stupid people will believe this, retweet and post on a text n and f other sites!

LOL

Probably a pilot error

Was the nearby neighborhood affected when he dumped his load?

Everyone has an embarrassing stage story Telling a joke and getting no laughs, messing up a word, catching on fire

He’ll fit right into the corporate culture

Just a little cowling trouble

Spontaneous human combustion?

now that's an activist board

back behind the *lectern 🙄

Jesus Onion

His pants are what sparked the flames.

😂

You hate to see that

Ratio

jonostrower Who comes up with such crap? Seriously?

Coincidentally the CEOs given name was Max!

Did the shareholders force Siemens to sell them parts again?

The CEO caught fire or just their pants?

This just in: Severance pay to Boeing CEO denied as Boeing finds no fault in previous statement.

So there's justice on Earth after all.

Was it karma or God ?

Yet again, they remain oddly calm and uncaring... “our planes often do the same thing!”

AirlineFlyer The article was clearly written to its MAX standards

Liar liar pants on fire

There isn’t a fine line between farce and snuff posts. There is a chasm. And you crossed it

Deregulate. Deregulate. Deregulate. These billionaires are going up in flames!

Globally warmied carbon footprint spontaneous combustion. 😀 What turns on climate trolls? Good men have a happy and gay relationship with their right hand. Climate Master Baitors deny this and fantasize about cold showers in Australia; and become blind to science. 😀

🔥😳🔥_(😀)

There are some sick people working at The Onion. And we all thank them!!😄😄

creidhe 👆🏼

This is what Boeing gets for introducing the new CEO-Max role to compete with Airbus without providing additional training.

Sources close to CEO knew him to be hotheaded, they have told CNN.

Deserved

Obviously pilot error.

And still claim there's no major problems with it's Boeing CEO 2020, it was all human error.

That's why they need those golden parachutes

Claims Spontaneous Human Combustion

holy shit, piss

Shortly thereafter, Musk vows twice the combustion for half the price.

Then they dropped 36 million on to the smoldering ashes to make sure it started back up to burn the money so nobody could get it. They bussed in the mobile children's hospital patient's to make sure they saw the money burn

But did they get his black box?

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

How did Samsung handle this exact same situation?

oof

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