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Transportation Secretary Calls For $200 Billion In Funding To Repair Nation’s Rickety Wooden Bridges

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WASHINGTON—Saying such infrastructure improvements were necessary to ensure citizens could continue to pass safely over the nation’s dangerous river rapids and precipitous chasms, Transportation Secretary Anthony Foxx called for $200 billion in funding Wednesday to repair the country’s rickety wooden bridges. “A recent survey of wood-and-rope bridges throughout the United States found that most are unsafe for travel due to heavily frayed ropes and planks that have decayed to the point of imminent collapse, putting far too many adventurous and treasure-seeking Americans in danger,” said Foxx, adding that any wooden bridge repair bill put forth by Congress must include a substantial investment to fix the many long gaps of broken and missing slats that Americans can only currently traverse via treacherous leaps. “Sadly, there have already been numerous reports of these frail, swaying bridges failing in various parts of the country, oftentimes just mere moments after an individual finishes crossing them, typically leaving their traveling companion stranded on the other side, or worse, clinging precariously to a sheer cliff face. This is simply unthinkable in a nation as advanced as ours.” Foxx added that, unless sufficient funding was authorized in the near future, he would have no choice but to close many of the rickety wooden bridges nationwide, forcing Americans to make longer and more difficult commutes over rushing rivers by walking across the backs of full-grown crocodiles.

 

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LIKE A BRIDGE OVER...HELP!!!

Because so many people use them 🙄.

Sounds like another make work program.

Onion article for the rest of the world. Standard practice in South Africa.

Infrastructure Week!

Jungle canyon rope bridges - Stewart Lee

👍

So many really smart guys eating the onion

Keep your hands off our rickety bridges!

Hollywood lobbyists are certain to push back against this!

No way if you fix then then it makes it way too easy. Stop changing the way the world is just cuz something casual babies whine that it's too hard.

More undue government meddling! Every citizen should be allowed to exercise the right to build their own infrastructure.

Yeah, good one, Onion. We all know that ain't happening. All the US money goes to endless wars on earth and now outter space to fight Alien and Predator.

Not enough respect from the tourists. Let them pay for it!

Is this supposed to be funny? Tough news day, eh? Try harder. And lose the pathetic political attacks on Trump - never funny and always polarizing

trump wants brand spankin new plywood. what a guy.

Thatcher didn't care. She let them all go to waste

. “everyone bring one plank” program fixed.

That’s not a bridge, it’s termites holding hands.

“Repair”

Mitch said, nah.

isn't this something they would do?

They'll need a UCrane to fix that sheetz! 🐑🏗️

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