Boston Market CEO Forgoes Annual 2 Million-Gallon Gravy Bonus To Help Pay Unemployed Workers

📆 4/21/2020 8:50 PM
📰 TheOnion

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GOLDEN, CO—In a move widely lauded as an example of responsible and compassionate stewardship, Boston Market CEO Eric Wyatt announced Monday that he would forgo his annual 2 million-gallon gravy bonus in order to help pay workers who have been furloughed during the restaurant chain’s extended closures. “I am proud to announce that I will be limiting myself to one small side of buttered corn and half a barbecue chicken this year in lieu of any sauce-based compensation I may be entitled to,” said Wyatt in a company-wide memo to employees of all 462 Boston Market locations before thanking them for their continued commitment to rotisserie excellence. “Frankly, I have more than enough gravy to keep my family’s mashed potatoes comfortably smothered for years to come, and that would not be the case if it weren’t for the tireless efforts of you, the Boston Market family of skilled rib slatherers and cornbread bakers, who have dedicated your lives to lovingly piling our charred meats and savory fluids into hot bins under heat lamps. The least I can do is ensure that you needn’t worry where your next meal’s beige liquid topping will be coming from.” At press time, Wyatt publicly called upon the CEOs of Souplantation, Sizzler, and Old Country Buffet to join him in distributing surpluses of garnishes and condiments among their many struggling employees.

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One of the good ones!

People need envelopes made of biscuits to mail gravy to the landlord and electric company . Pay those bills!

Dammit. Gravy trickles down. Now those near the top will get less gravy and we, at the bottom, might not see any gravy this year, at all. Your gravy virtue signaling is backfiring.

Honestly didn't realize this place still existed🤣

Not mentioned, BM CEO gets to keep three million Chicken Pot Pies. (uneaten)

Is this place still even going last time I saw this place was on undercover boss USA

That’s worth a lot of blockbuster vhs coupons

Still not enough .

Let them eat gravy!

File footage:

But what about the jobs of the people who would have produced those 2 Million Gallons? WHAT ABOUT THEIR FAMILIES? WHAT ABOUT THE TROOPS?

I'm not sure I can pay my landlord in gravy but I'll ask.

The follow up will be a worker strike for being paid in gravy instead of the money from the bonus.

I'm OK with not taking a bath this year. gobble

thanks i needed a chuckle

If the DMV randomly summoned people to take road tests to keep their licenses, driving overall would probably improve.

As a former employee of the brand, you are not far from the truth 🤣

You all laughing but those families will be happy with that Gravy

GROSS

Gravy futures plummet.

bostonmarket this true?

Tairy Greene, the CEO, is just saying that so he can rob it later...

A sacrifice we won’t soon forget

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