ATLANTA—As the Trump administration’s effort to develop a suitable response to the coronavirus pandemic reached its next stage, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention was reportedly ordered Thursday to incinerate hundreds of screaming, boil-riddled test subjects before widely releasing the vaccine.
ental subjects crawling around the CDC testing facility, adding that eliminating them by any means necessary was vital to the administration’s plan to address the pandemic before the presidential election. “They’ve served us well, but now the vaccine has progressed beyond a need to keep them around.
It's funny.
Let’s just add to the disinformation shall we?
Putin: who leaked this?
Jesus softies! It’s the Onion for cryin’ out loud! Get over it!
I feel like I’m going to see my essential oil-loving coworker share this on Facebook later.
isn't this how post apocalyptic movies start?
I'm not sure I really 'get' the Onion anymore
Soon to be shared as fact by the Usual Suspects.
BoredRoomComedy What would have happened if every time a new vaccine was made and people either ridiculed it or feared it, would we be here to say and do the things we do?
After nuking their phones, Clinton orders Mueller investors nuked as well. TheOnionSucks
'Man goes into anaphylactic shock after repeated refusal to follow simple directions.'
I went to the doctor once and he gave me a flu shot and it hurt and my arm turned red a little but I got him back. I didn’t get sick or a fever or anything. His shot didn’t work , so there. HA !
Yup. I just experienced this.
Funny because it’s true. I wanna live in a world where the Onion WORKS again. TrumpFailedAmerica
This is anti-vaxx. Boo.
Vaccine brought to you by the Umbrella Corporation
Is this more or less painful that injecting bleach?
drsanjaygupta This doctor giroir is just as dishonest as pompeo he can spin the truth just as well and he's criminal we must speak up can you imagine four more years and the deaths that will occur if Trump stays in office
Have they tried drinking bleach?
This is not humorous. In fact, it is downright horrific. Is no one in your organization aware that seventy five years ago millions of people were murdered in gas chambers and ovens?....
No
And infinite_scream was living for it
I honestly kinda wish covid caused boils or something very visibly apparent, everyone might actually take it seriously
You know those times where you look up an old onion article a year after publication and it turned out they were right?
I do wonder just how many people were let down by COVID19 and were hoping for a Walking Dead level virus. LARP IRL SeanOfTheDead DMV
Did the Onion give its employees raises, since now they have to work harder to make satire?
Geez not the greatest article what happened to the onion
This Boils it all down.. if feel disemboiled by this i got irritated boil syndrom from this.. i will now eat a dead parrot.. and pine a bit
myspace news
nobody: Russia:
Science is metal af
Onion no satire?
Nope. Not far enough. Still too plausible. Keep trying though! Satire can't be dead.
this russia rn
Looks like the Onion is having trouble coming up with ideas that sound outlandish these days.
Everyone is recovering...well......
😮
ThIs Is TeRrIbLe AnD wHy i DoNt gIvE mY cHilD vACCineS
i thought onion satire
It’s the humane thing to do...
Reminds me of a movie I watched. What was that thin' again? 🤔 ThursdayThoughts ThursdayFeeling Resist
I didn't need to see that cursed photoshop
WHY ARENT WE HEARING ABOUT THIS IN MAINSTREAM MEDIA. FUCKING SOROS!!!!
You just know that this is one of those tweets the anti-vaxxers are gonna take seriously
...wouldn't want to cause a panic...
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