Son rarely takes our calls and makes no effort to visit, while soon-to-be-former daughter-in-law actively seeks our company. What do we do? Son is angry and makes veiled threats: “If you continue to see her, then…”
Solve this problem for us and we will write back to ask how we can accept the “other woman” into our home. People can be unhappy and get a divorce. Cheating is not acceptable. Is that the source of my problem?It is certainly possible. No one likes being judged. Adults chafe at being judged more than children do, and parental judgment stings more than judgment by strangers. That is why parents who judge their adult children need to be particularly mindful of their power.
Then start making those very difficult decisions, including how far you will go to back your daughter-in-law, whether you welcome the “other woman,” and if so, how, and the best way to serve the interests of your grandchildren. Each of these hinges on the most important decision of all, which is whether you banish your son and his new love for their deplorable behavior, or bite your tongue and embrace them.
It will not be easy , but it is your best chance at coming through this without regrets of your own. For example: Your son and his new love are welcome in your life, but so is the mother of your grandchildren, and if he dislikes it, then, tough. It is your right to make such a choice. Whatever stand you take, it is your right to, just as your son has the right to make the choices he made. If nothing else, you can set an example for him of considering the consequences beforehand, instead of his method of raging at them after the fact.