“There is always more to do. I constantly feel like I am letting people down.” This statement could have been made by almost any of my clients: Dirk, the VP of engineering at a tech company; or Sheena, a surgeon in a major clinic who also has two young children at home; or Jess, a fifth year big law associate swamped with client work and hoping to make partner in the next three to four years. They all work demanding jobs with long hours and they always feel as if they have not done enough.
Maybe this sounds familiar to you. You are overwhelmed and exhausted, just barely holding it all together. But you feel unable to set a boundary for fear that things will fall apart, that you will damage your career or harm your relationships. Perhaps you have tried to set boundaries and it has not gone well. Boundaries can seem like magical thinking. Might as well wish for a fairy godmother.
The truth is that boundaries are hard to set and hard to keep, and they don’t fix things overnight. But they are also an essential piece of health and sustainability, what psychiatrist and author, rejecting the current fad of productized “faux self-care.” Instead, her approach to self care is a consistent practice, rather than an escape. Real self care involves getting grounded in your
A boundary is a limit we set to protect our property, our time, or our emotional, mental and physical well-being. Boundaries, when clearly drawn and respected, create space for us to operate and to meet our own needs in relationship with others. Sadly, many people will not set a boundary, continuing to push themselves until their body sets it for them. They throw out their back, come down with pneumonia, hit a physical wall or have a breakdown.
. There are some situations in which your power to set boundaries may be extremely limited. When you are in a very junior role, or have a caregiving responsibility, or you belong to a marginalized group, setting meaningful boundaries may be very difficult or even impossible, and it will almost certainly feel risky. But you can still do something. Start small.