3 Confessions From ‘Regret-Ridden Parents’—Explained By A Psychologist

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Parenthood Regrets News

Sacrifices Of Parenthood,Stigmatized Parental Regrets,Pressured Into Parenthood

Mark Travers, Ph.D., is an American psychologist with degrees from Cornell University and the University of Colorado Boulder. He is the lead psychologist at Awake Therapy, a telehealth company that provides video and telephone psychotherapy, counseling, and coaching to individuals in over 40 countries worldwide.

Parenthood is usually depicted as the ultimate fulfillment, or as a source of unparalleled joy and purpose. However, in reality, many people struggle to find the “joy of parenthood” that is so widely advertised. Because of the dominance of the positive parenthood narrative, those who do not feel this joy often hide their true feelings—in fear of judgment and stigmatization.

According to the authors, “Their decision to have children was often the result of strong pressure from family and a desire to fit in with the majority, rather than an internal need to have a child.” They further explained that when the decision to have children is driven by a desire to conform rather than genuine personal desire, it can lead to a lack of connection with the parenting role.

highlights the significant sacrifices that parenthood demands, and how—for some parents—the losses incurred by these sacrifices do not compensate for the supposed rewards. In the authors’ words, “When the baby arrives, the culture expects parents, especially moms, to find bliss in their self-sacrifice and immediate love. Yet, this pronatalist discourse, which deems reproduction normal, natural and desirable, can be harmful.

Once you become a parent, your finances, time and thoughts are no longer solely yours; they become devoted to your children. This level of self-sacrifice is immense and unending. In any other circumstance, such an expectation would be considered egregious—yet it has become the norm for parents. You must be prepared to relinquish a significant portion of your mind, body and energy for the foreseeable future.

 

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