Former CEO: Embracing my female identity made me a better leader - Business Insider

"I became a better and happier leader by being honest in who I was, even if it meant feeling raw, heart-pounding discomfort most days," writes Tracy Young.In 2011, Tracy Young cofounded a construction productivity software, PlanGrid. As CEO, she helped build over one million construction projects around the globe before the company was acquired in 2018 for $875 million.

For context, I am the daughter of refugees, first to be born in America. The minority part of my identity I understood well, having witnessed my immigrant parents grinding their nose to the stone without ever complaining, so their children could have a better life. I was proud to be their child. The female part of my identity, however, was hidden under plain masculine clothes and behind a stoic demeanor.

I thought that I must be the worst leader for someone to just leave me like this. That night, I vomited into my sink and cried sloppily in the dark. Someone I trusted had snuck out of responsibility in the most selfish way imaginable, and my body responded with intense physical reactions. I wondered if male CEOs would have reacted this way. I wish I knew.

There are no secrets in a startup. One colleague told me the next day that she knew I was pregnant because she saw me eat two bagels. That conversation made me realize that team members are always keeping an eye on their founders and leaders. In some cases, I do believe my coworkers genuinely cared for me.

No one told me how hard breastfeeding would be. Like clockwork, every two to three hours a tiny mouth latched onto me for 20 minutes, resulting in raw and bloody nipples. The amount of time and effort it requires to breastfeed doesn't stop there. You'll also need to make time to eat an extra 500 calories each day, time to pump and wait for milk to slowly drain out of each breast, and then time to clean each pumping piece thoroughly.

I think I was scared of what others might think of me as a new mother and CEO, maybe because of my own insecurities, maybe because of the societal norms ingrained in me.I would spend the next two months driving to VC's offices, and down to Sand Hill Road, to secure our war chest. Despite this full schedule and constant traveling, I needed to pump milk. But I never asked to use any investor's Mother's Room.

Our job as founders and CEOs is to maximize all options for the company and choose the best path forward for our team and customers. A part of me wanted to stay CEO of PlanGrid forever. I grew up at PlanGrid. I watched one of my cofounders die of cancer during PlanGrid. I married another one of my cofounders and we became parents together. My self worth was completely tied to the company. PlanGrid gave me purpose and fulfillment.

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