Finance Whiz Predicts The Dow Will Open At 9:30 A.M. Tomorrow

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AVON, CT—Making the proclamation with “99% certainty,” finance whiz Seth McTurner predicted Tuesday that the Dow would open at 9:30 a.m. tomorrow. “I’m calling it now: The Dow will open tomorrow morning at half past nine,” said McTurner, whose words were heeded by thousands of investors across the country who regularly relied on the acclaimed stock market guru for advice. “Based on my findings that the Dow has opened at 9:30 a.m. on the past four successive days, I can only believe it will remain stable. Note that that’s Eastern time, so any investors on the West Coast should exercise extreme caution. Mark my words, a bell will ring, and trading will begin.” At press time, several hedge funds had gone bankrupt after incorrectly betting the Dow would open at 11:00 p.m.

certainty,” finance whiz Seth McTurner predicted Tuesday that the Dow would open at 9:30 a.m. tomorrow. “I’m calling it now: T

he Dow will open tomorrow morning at half past nine,” said McTurner, whose words were heeded by thousands of investors across the country who regularly relied on the acclaimed stock market guru for advice. “Based on my findings that the Dow has opened at 9:30 a.m. on the past four successive days, I can only believe it will remain stable. Note that that’s Eastern time, so any investors on the West Coast should exercise extreme caution. Mark my words, a bell will ring, and trading will begin.

 

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He failed.

Is this guy also your source for this?

What a legend!! 🤣😜🤣

About as good as the one taking the bold prediction of saying the energy sector is a good play. Nah, nobody needs energy. Why invest in that? But please go on in your nice suit, cheap tan and smile while on a financial channel in the mornings.

VXO150 No circuit breakers to delay open?

For the poor schmucks it does. Open 24/7 for the rich to get richer.

Sharing inside information isn’t funny.

It's in the technicals

The Dow isn’t a market, it’s an index of 30 stocks that generally trade on the NYSE or NASDAQ exchanges. Both of those exchanges do open at 9:30et on most weekdays. So this guy should be fired.

Wrong already! It's 8:30 am!!!!!!!! 😜😜

EffMktHype choffstein they’re stealing your schtick

Citrini7 Nonsense, Cramer says it will open 14:37 !

Jack the fortune teller 🔮

This kid is going places. And on time

jacksepticeye?! 😱😱

The NASDAQ, The NYSE, but the Dow? $SPY $DJI

kid is incredible.

Thats not a 'whiz' to know that thats the time the market opens every day. Dont need to be a expert. Learn

…can I hire this guy?…

Genius

Hey! I know that guy!

He may be dumb, but he's still cute. He could make for a fun weekend if he's good in bed.

I'll believe it when it happens

Finance wiz barred from finances due to bear gay community

Until he realizes tomorrow is a holiday. Ain’t so wizzey izzy?

choffstein

😂

Damn it! I had 830.

Autism stays undefeated 💀

Give that man more stock options!

jzureikat24

That last sentence absolutely killed me 😂

technosucks

Pop a seltzer for this prediction

How does he do it?!?

This changed my life

big if true

Low effort

Classic comment 👌🏼

Brilliant!!!

good work NickMarlo

I hope it crashes hard.

robocraw thoughts?

He can prove it with economics and math, but you may not be smart enough to follow it.

How does he do it?

What time zone is this? Is it the wiz who forgot this important info or the article genius at the onion. Wow

feeonlyplanner The Dow doesn’t open, it’s an index

For that he should be paid a fortune.

Yeah but can he predict what time closing bell will happen? Didn’t think so!

r/WallStreetBets

im also a finance whiz. passed my university pre-algebra class w/ flying colours!!

The dude is always right, except for weekends and holidays.

You sure about that. The guy might hit the opening bell button a few seconds early or a few seconds late and then you’re wrong!

Damn, this prediction will make me millions tomorrow 🤣😂

ConnorSorenson you

today we will see some ups and downs, believe it or not.

big if true

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