His future business is a hypothetical. But your present is happening now, and your future is in the balance. Photograph: GettyI am 36 and my boyfriend is 40. We have been together three years. He is kind, smart and caring, with good traditional values. We usually get on very well. Lately, I am becoming increasingly worried that our relationship is stagnating. I’ve tried mentioning this to him but it stresses him out. He has been trying to establish his own business for a number of years.
When it comes to the dreams and ambitions of our partners, there is a common narrative that we must support them endlessly and make sacrifices to help them achieve their goals. And for some relationships and some dreams, that is a beautiful way to move through life’s challenges together. You have already been through a lot together and he has supported and helped you in your journey of home ownership and difficulties at work, which you detail in your letter.
But the narrative of support needs to be complicated, because it’s much easier to take on risks and have no end-date for financial and career instability when you’re 22 with few responsibilities and no desire for children or stability in the near future. When you are 36, hoping to have a family and want your relationship to grow and evolve, the story of sacrifice gets more complicated – and it’s a story that shouldn’t only be yours.