‘I’m Just Here For The Commercials,’ Jokes Man At Super Bowl Party Too Embarrassed To Admit He Desperate For Any Human Company

  • 📰 TheOnion
  • ⏱ Reading Time:
  • 21 sec. here
  • 2 min. at publisher
  • 📊 Quality Score:
  • News: 12%
  • Publisher: 51%

United States News News

United States United States Latest News,United States United States Headlines

MECHANICSBURG, PA—Grabbing a beer and telling other party-goers that football is not really his thing, local man Walt Madison told partygoers Sunday that he was just here for the commercials instead of admitting that he had been desperate for any human company whatsoever. “I’m not super into sports, so it’s really…

MECHANICSBURG, PA—Grabbing a beer and telling other party-goers that football is not really his thing, local man Walt Madison told partygoers Sunday that he was just here for the commercials instead of admitting that he had been desperate for any human company whatsoever.

“I’m not super into sports, so it’s really more about the food and commercials for me,” said Madison, who has been crippled by a sense of endless loneliness ever since his ex-girlfriend moved out of their apartment last year. “Personally, I’m more excited about the halftime show than anything that happens on the field [and actually spending more than five minutes with a living breathing human being].

 

Thank you for your comment. Your comment will be published after being reviewed.
Please try again later.

Lmfao

Being alone is divine.

Human company is for the weak.

Bro…

god damn it onion

After watching the current commercials, maybe next year is the year.

Howdyfriendz

That would be me.

I'm taking this personally

Is that Santos4Congress

mfer said he desperate

damn, onion…

Poor guy

That's what the pandemic has done to people.

Drainer_innit fuck this one cut deep

Felt this one

As my college friend said, he just goes for the chicken wings.

he just like me fr

Is....this me?!?!

When I actually saw a game on the telly I was shocked that supposedly heterosexual men were watching other men in pants so tight you could guess their religion. And don't get me started on half naked basketball ...

Get out of my head.

Don't come for the game. Come for the humanity

allahpundit 😏✔️

I'm in this picture and i don’t like it

I can't get people to leave me alone

Yikes - this one is too ruthlessly real

GET OUT OF MY HEAD

me

We have summarized this news so that you can read it quickly. If you are interested in the news, you can read the full text here. Read more:

 /  🏆 724. in US

United States United States Latest News, United States United States Headlines