LOS ANGELES—Emphasizing that, for a limited time only, there would be no minimum purchases required for new team members, global multilevel marketing corporation Herbalife successfully launched a product sampler kit into deep space Wednesday to reach alien civilizations with a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
“In the event that there are intelligent lifeforms out there, we believe it is our duty at Herbalife to share this exclusive invitation to easily make huge amounts of cash from the comfort of their home planet,” said a smiling, overenthusiastic gold-tier Herbalife independent distributor, Marlena Jackson, explaining that contacting just three previously unknown alien societies who each made contact with three more would not only cover the cost of the starter pack but double or triple the...
Please aliens, don't dri k the coolaid.
Looks like a giant suppository- payback for all those alien probing .
“ugh, not another multilevel marketing scheme, we already do amway and pampered chef...”
So would it be safe to say that this would be called the Herbal Space Program?
Soyboy Onion writers still upset they didn't become rich with Herbalife. 'I bought the kit. I told my 2 friends about it. I sat in my mom's basement, waiting for the cash to start rolling in. What more could I have done? Good thing this Nigerian prince found me'. TheOnionSucks
One Alien says no thanks...
Did Amway send one first, or are they next?
😂
The onion isn’t nearly as funny as TheBabylonBee anymore!
LOL I CANT TELL IF THIS IS SATIRE ANYMORE.
WeightW here is the ultimate solution for loosing weight, zero gravity.
😂😂😂
Intergalactic pyramid scheme hell yeah
this guy answers
bruh and you wonder why aliens dont like us, they dont want to deal with us crack heads, weed eaters, and fricking chemical drug dunces.
It's about they start giving back.....to the rest of the universe.
Carlos Matos? Is that you?
Live visuals of alien civ;
Guessing same-day delivery is out of the question...
That’s good marketing!
oh hell... i'm on auto refill... this is going to get expensive
That's crazy
Well space is where the pyramids did come from in the first place😆😆😆
That’s my socioeconomic ideology in a nutshell: intergalatic Laissez-faire multilevel marketing harassment capitalism
Someone should probably tell Herbalife that solar panels are ineffective on deep space probes.
MiriamWesselink Sad to report, the Amway ship using Chinese anti-sattelite technology has destroyed it.
Just enlist 5 of your intergalactic friends....
WTF. Betting on Zero!!! Do NOT give them space, they ruin people's lives!!!
candidginger 😄😄😄.
Watch out!
Lose kilograms now. Ask me how.
Excellent!
isnt_he_black Damn this is genius
😂😂😂
We all have dreams. I know I do.....
Bill Ackman attaches a space-addendum to his 6,000 page power point presentation on $HLF
Those aliens have no idea what kind of ponzi they are about to get into.
elonmusk 😀
iilluminaughtii Would you look at that xD
And in 9.2 Earth hours you could make a profit of 5300 space coins
Amway? BetsyDeVosED
'Be your own galactic overlord' The Onion is the best
parapluieverte
Everyone is Utah is signed up nihilists4jesus
😂😂😂
When the Ponzi scheme goes a bit too far
Aliens:
Martian Level Management - it's a smart move
I mean...if ya don't ask ya don't get!
All I ever want in life is to work for