NEW YORK—Citing data provided by a focus group of over 100,000 people across all demographics, a new report published Monday by the Nielsen Company confirmed that someone carrying around a giant boombox on their shoulder was still the coolest thing the majority of Americans could imagine. “Despite decades of technological leaps, global innovation, and the ever-shifting fads of personal style, when asked to close their eyes and imagine the most badass thing possible, 99.
99% of those surveyed revealed that the primary image that came to mind was someone strutting around the street, blasting tunes on a boombox,” said lead researcher Rhonda Jackson, noting that even when presented with photos of someone jumping a motorcycle over a row of school buses, bad boys in leather jackets, and even a knife-wielding crab, those depicting a Lasonic TRC-975 portable double-cassette player with a ten band equalizer hoisted by a hardcore motherfucker were consistently selected...
And not only americans. It is really very cool.
But if it's a guy....RUN!
A tie-died shirt and bell bottom jeans would make her peachy KEEN!
I’d still do it if it totally wasn’t unnecessary.
No one with a boom box ever threatened or hurt me.
Does she come with the boombox
I just found an old boombox and I plan to try this out in Santa Monica once I'm allowed to walk around again. Thanks.
isnt the onion supposed to be satire? this is just true
That, or having healthcare. Both are cool as heck. Can't really decide.
Well YEAH! 😂
That's why they are not smart any more. Kids are investing in studies.
Hahaha this totally got me. I looked at the image first and said to myself “wow cool” then i read the text...... ...if I’m going to be owed let it be the Onion. Well done my friends!
I need to match my shirt to my stereo system.
You guys, now the next big thing will be Bluetooth Boomboxes. Ugh.
Chiprockabilly Funny that we hate every single person who's ever publicly played music from their phone without headphones.
Indeed it is!
It's important to do so wearing the appropriate attire.
They recycle their content huh?
'Now here's a little story I've got to tell About three bad brothers you know so well It started way back in history With Adrock, (M.C.A.) and me (Mike D.)'
One day when I was about nine, I walked around my suburban subdivision with a boombox on my shoulder. I never felt more cool in my entire life than I did in that moment. Looking back on it, I guarantee that I never looked dorkier before or since.
HeyRatty Hello it's 1981 NYC calling, we'd like our look back.
Playing BTS’ latest hit would be just over the top! durex should start giving these beatboxes away with a BTS cassette locked and loaded.
I was a long haired nerd; when I did that in the 80s w/ Iron Maiden, Judas Priest etc, my Magnavox boombox with hydraulic mechanism for the cassette player also had a 4 band shortwave radio, and I could really be edgy listening to Radio Moscow when they were still communist.
Tbh I don't think this is a joke.
Classics never die!
That lady is beautiful!
Never went out of style!
i worked inside a boombox
dorsalstream On roller skates
Always has been
I still have my JVC Kaboom box from 1998
The first thing that would happen if we made America great again.
JesseDoctor It truly is the coolest and they haven’t been since then
He remembers
Okay the lonely island ft Julian casablancas
Wait I thought this was a satirical news source
I thought y'all were supposed to do parody.
if only we could make the boomboxes more lightweight...
It is.
What about raising it over your head?
it was cool for sure
youre supposed to be a satire news site this is the truth