Good morning, everyone! What a week we’ve got coming up. A tremendous week. The fall season is here, we’re working on huge tax cuts, and there’s a lot of optimism having to do with business in our economy. Also, we’re ending Obamacare. And I’m going to get the wall. But beyond all that, what I’m looking forward to the most is another seven days of infecting every little aspect of your daily lives.Oh, you thought you might be able to block me out for even a moment? Good luck with that one.
I will poison every second of quiet reflection that you previously enjoyed. No more sitting calmly with a coffee on a park bench. No more carefree drives with the windows down and the radio up. No more tranquil moments reveling in the splendor of a sunset. Just me festering in your brain, befouling all you hold dear.The mind is funny like that sometimes.
American life, there I’ll be again, ready to resume the endless cycle of fear, regret, anger, and shame. Go ahead, try and tune me out right now.They never cover it in the fake media, but I do really enjoy the creeping sadness that exists every day I’m around. It’s a fantastic feeling.
Christ, the daily Trump experience is like having a terminal case of the crabs that keep returning no matter how many times you soak your genitals in kerosene and set them aflame.
Look who has his Halloween costume on early. Good choice. Looks real.
I wonder what he infected Stormy Daniels with
And this was just 2017!
The Onion used to be relevant before they were bought by Univision. Now,it just sucks.
He’s like a fucking mold or toe fungus
Y’all should make a part of your website of things you’ve said that have come true
I just unfollowed the Onion.
Words from a true narcissist egomaniac
Yay! Another day, another raging clusterfuck. My god this shit is exhausting.
cameron_kasky Trump's handling of the pandemic certainly contributed to the failure of many businesses. But I fear his constant stream of nonsense will certainly lead to the demise of . WhenFactIsStrangerThanFiction
He needs to shoot a Pepsi commercial.
SmootJim The Donald from DC is there Inside your mind. Duh, Duh Duh, Duh, Duh.
2017! This aged like fine wine
truest one by far
lame
Man the Onion writers are just writing news now what happened
That's one promise he can actually fulfill
It’s funny because it’s true.
he doesnt live in my head rent free. he lives in a refrigerator box behind my ear and has to pay me 2 Big Macs in rent every day.
President Virus.
Need I say this again? Your writers deserve a raise.