SPRINGFIELD, IL—Expressing bewilderment at the complete lack of response by the media and authorities, members of a right-wing militia told reporters Monday they were wondering when someone would notice they’ve been holding Governor
J.B. Pritzker hostage for the last few months.
everyone has continued to go about their daily business. “We sent several packages containing the governor’s severed fingers out to various family members, and even those were returned unopened. If no one responds to our livebecause right now we’re losing money having to feed him.” At press time, the Constitutional Defenders put it to a vote to cut their losses and dump Pritzker somewhere way out in Lake Michigan.
Terrorists, not militia, terrorists. You're welcome.
They have to put out an ISIS Style video if they want attention.
And in other news, the militia fashion police announce the winners of the best tactical gear dress off and biggest beer belly competitions. Congratulations to C. B. Taterskin and Diepred Kneckers on their big victories.
Ha ha ha “losing money feeding him“.
The official response from Illinois residents.
king_patrick12
Hallmark holiday movie in the making - 'J.B. Under The Xmas Tree! Home For The Holidays.'
Lol that ugly ass Californian stock/grip
🤣
Illinois would be better off. That’s for sure
😂
All the militia ppl we know have been fishing/hunting....Seasons. Sept-Oct.
At least the onion makes a depressing and scary situation more comforting